Choosing Love

Behind everything we do, there is a choice. To love is a choice. 

  • Choosing love
  • Choosing how to love
  • Choosing who to love
  • Choosing why to love

It’s all a choice.

We are not forced to love anyone, not even our children; although it could possibly be the only love that does not involve a conscious choice. It is a pure love that, for the most part, just IS and cannot be UNDONE. 

The fact that we choose to experience the emotion of love is a gift that we should never take for granted. Not all of us have countless reasons or opportunities to love. But, when we do love as deeply and as often as we allow ourselves to, we need to trust the feeling inside of us as well as in others. When we trust the way we love others, a measure of that love might be expected in how others love us. But, the truth is we all love differently, not better, not worse, just differently. We all love to our heart’s greatest capacity. 

So, I ask:

  • Have we ever wondered why others love us?
  • Are their reasons to love us good enough for us?
  • Do there need to be any reasons at all?

When we think of the reasons why we love someone, ideally it is because of who they are at their core and how we feel when we are around them.  And we hope that they feel the same way about their love toward us. So, in thinking about how I feel loved by those closest to me, I noticed that some insecurities crept in. I wondered if those closest to me love me for who I am or for what I do for them. And as I sat in silence after this thought, I asked myself what if their love for me was conditional upon all that I do for them and if so, what does that say about me? What if I stopped doing all that I do? Would they still love me? The subsequent thoughts around this possible truth really put me in a tailspin.

So, I did what I always do – I threw it back at myself by thinking about each close family relationship in my life and asked myself – WHY do I love this person? If the answers involved anything of what they “do for me” then I wouldn’t be able to question if others had similar reasons, as we cannot judge people’s feelings. They are what they are. We can only choose how we act on these feelings. 

Let’s get curious about WHY we love those that we do. Let’s do it for the sake of being honest with ourselves and understanding the choices that we have in love. Let’s reflect so that we add value to those relationships that we cherish the most. Let’s appreciate their BEING over their DOING.

Then, can someone’s true love toward us, to the greatest of their capacity, be enough to make us feel loved?

Allowing someone to love us in a way that works for them, but maybe not so much for us is a choice as well.  I may not be able to measure the reasons why someone loves me.  But, I can measure how they make me feel. And, even if there is a slight chance that my “doing” enhances the love that I receive then, I will “keep on doing” because from where I stand, I have as much to gain as they do. To conclude, as I said in the beginning, the emotion of love is a gift that we should never take for granted. 

So, allow yourself to: 

Feel Loved! 

Be loved!

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